Facts of Nature
by UnchartedHeart
Summary: Yuffie, Reno, Tifa, Elena and Tseng decide to take some time off to spend with nature, with a camping trip. However, Yuffie and a mischievous fairy make the trip anything but peaceful. ReTi, Tselena. For The Sacred and Profane. Rated M for language.


A/n: So I feel horrible that this took so long to get up! But now that it finally is…this is for The Sacred and Profane. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Whatever.

* * *

"Elena! You are not taking all of that are you?" Tifa asked as she jumped out of the car to pick up Elena. Elena, Reno, Tseng, Yuffie and Tifa were all going on a camping trip by the lake. However, Elena had five suitcases stacked on top of each other by the door. The blonde turn to Tifa and furrowed her brow.

"Why not? It's not that much is it? How many did you and Yuffie bring?" she asked, cocking her head to the side in confusion. Tifa laughed and shook her head.

"Only one. We're not going camping until the end of time! Just a weekend!" Tifa replied. Elena nodded slowly and sighed as she hurried to condense her luggage to one bag.

* * *

After the luggage problem was solved, Tifa and the others picked up Yuffie and were on their way to the lake for camping. In all honesty, they all needed a break, what with the Turks being busy all the time, Tifa running her bar, and Yuffie off in Wutai. It was time for some well needed "R&R".

They arrived shortly after they had left, Tseng and Reno unloading the car and dragging the luggage to the campsite, meanwhile the girls were chatting away and checking out the scenery.

"Tifa, baby…how stuffed is this…thing?" Reno huffed as he pulled his girlfriends suitcase to the site. Elena shot Tifa a look and the brunette just giggled.

"Oh, you know, just the odds and ends. Remember I had to pack for you, dear. You didn't even have pants on your packing list." She reminded the Turk, causing Yuffie to stick out her tongue in the thought of Reno with no pants. Everyone laughed and began to set up the tents for camping.

The task was a lot harder than it seemed, with Tifa setting hers up perfectly and Reno becoming wrapped up in Yuffie's while the ninja pointed and laughed. Tseng was cussing out the inanimate object and Elena took over to set it up correctly.

"I could've done that…" he stated, crossing his arms. Elena giggled and pulled him into a hug.

"I know, I just decided to help you out." She replied, turning to Yuffie, Reno and Tifa.

"Whose up for food?"

"Hell yea! I'm starving!" Reno shouted, rubbing his stomach.

* * *

Later that evening, the group made a camp fire by cheating and using materia. They were now sitting by the fire, telling stories about their lives and crazy things that had happened to them over the past few months. Reno made sure to tell about every prank he had pulled on Elena, and Tseng made sure to tell about the old stories of Wutai, much to Yuffie's annoyance. They were so busy telling stories that they didn't even see Yuffie leave the group.

The ninja walked over to the lake and crossed her arms, letting the wind run through her short hair. She was having fun…but with all the couple talk, she just wished something interesting and fun would happen! She missed the old AVALANCHE days and wanted nothing more than to see the crazy and not normal…

"I want something amazing and different!" she whispered to herself, throwing a stone into the lake.

"Bored in a place so full of friends and fun, then why not wish and what you want will be done?" a voice called out in an echo. Yuffie looked around, seeing no sign of Reno or Tseng playing a trick on her. Then, something appeared just beside her. It was a little fairy that resembled a rodent and a human. Its wings were sparkling white and it had a goofy grin on its face.

"Hey, who are you, buddy?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. How dare someone listen to the Great Ninja talk to herself?

"I am Puck, I'll make your wishes come true, so what do say, want to start with those two?" the fairy asked, pointing to Reno and Tifa who were coming in her direction. Yuffie looked at the fairy and then back at Tifa and Reno. It seemed like they couldn't see Puck! Maybe this would be fun after all.

"Whatcha doing out here by yourself, brat?" Reno asked, using his given nickname for her. Tifa glared at her boyfriend and rolled her eyes.

"C'mon Yuffie, you missing out on the good stories." The brunette added, crossing her arms. Yuffie shifted her eyes and wondered if she really wanted to do this. Just then, she grinned widely and turned to Puck.

"I wish they would switch bodies!" Yuffie declared. Puck nodded and pointed his wand at the now confused couple.

"Yuffie, who are you…"Tifa began.

"Talking to?" Reno finished. Well, it was actually Tifa, but her voice changed into that of Reno's. She looked down and she was wearing his Turk uniform.

"What the hell! I have boobs now!" Reno shouted as he pouted and turned to Tifa, who looked like himself.

"Reno!! I'm you!" Tifa cried. The couple turned to Yuffie, but couldn't find her anywhere. She was already back at the campsite, laughing her head off.

"That was too perfect…why didn't I think of this before!?" She asked herself, only to spot Tseng and Elena, making out by the camp fire. Another idea struck her as she turned to Puck, who had followed her and pointed at them.

"Make the blonde one act like an old grizzly bear and make the other one act like the blonde!" the ninja whispered. Puck laughed and pointed the wand to work his magic. All of a sudden, Tseng was kissing Elena and she pushed him off of her.

"What's wrong?" Tseng asked, furrowing his brow and cocking his head to the side, much like Elena had always done. Elena didn't reply however. She simply narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend and growled a little.

"E-Elena?"

"ROARRRRRRRR" she screamed at him in a grizzly tone and the male Turk's eyes widened like saucers. Elena then reached up and smacked him in the face, trying to knock him down.

"Someone help, she's going oh so crazy!" Tseng cried out in a strangely girly tone, causing Yuffie to fall to the ground in laughter. Tseng ran from the screaming Elena, over to Yuffie.

"Oh, get up! We have to find Tseng, that girl over there is crazy! She thinks she's a bear!" he complained to the Ninja. Before Yuffie could answer, Reno and Tifa were arguing their way back to the campsite where Tseng and Yuffie were.

"Calm down Reno, everything will be okay, we'll be fine…though I'm scared too." Reno, that was actually Tifa stated, his eyes tearing up. Tseng glared at Reno with a confused expression, meanwhile Tifa took the liberty to spit on ground.

"Er, Reno? Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying!" Reno in Tifa's body stated, shrugging at the two. Tseng cocked his head to the side again and shook his head.

"What's going on?"

"Oh, I'm in Tifa's body and Tifa's in mine…" Reno explained, pushing Tifa's bra strap up in annoyance.

"Dammit babe, this is obnoxious, how do you handle having these?" the Turk complained, looking down at his new assets. Tifa as Reno rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips.

"Oh shut up…it's not like your ever complaining. Besides…how do you think I feel having something between my legs, hmm?" she replied, gesturing to her crotch. Tseng wasn't paying attention by this point, he was staring at Elena who was wrecking the camp site and now trying to eat one of the tents.

"What's wrong with Laney?" Reno asked, pointing to the outraged blonde.

"Haha, she's acting like a bear!" Yuffie replied, still laughing at everyone. This was too good to be true!

"That's why we must get Tseng here! He'd know what to do!" Tseng said, stomping his foot. Reno and Tifa exchanged looks before glaring at Yuffie.

"Listen here, brat. You better change us back! I'm not going to be in Tifa's body the rest of my life and I don't thing Tseng wants to refer to himself in first person anymore…and I guess Elena doesn't want to be a bear, either. Though I must say, watching her shake up that soda and open it up to fizz in her face…that was some pretty funny shit!" Reno stated, laughing before receiving a shove from Tifa.

Yuffie hung her head in reply. She was having too much fun with this! Why stop? Maybe….

"Okay! I'll go talk to the fairy!" she stated, walking back to the lake. Puck had been with her all this time, but she just didn't want them to see what she was going to ask for next. This wasn't over yet!

"Okay, Pucky boy, this time, I want you to change everyone back…BUT now, Tifa is going to be in love with Elena….and then Reno will love himself, which shouldn't be too hard…I mean the bastard loves himself anyway. Oh and make Tseng become infatuated with…." Yuffie began, looking around for a random object of her choice. She found a pinecone and lifted it in the air, bursting into a fit of laughter. Puck laughed along with her and told her it would be done. Pointing his wand at the group, it seemed like all the chaos stopped.

* * *

"Why do I have tent scraps in my mouth?" Elena asked, spitting out the remains of the Tseng's tent on the dusty ground. Tseng laughed and patted her back.

"Well, we might want to get you to the doctor when we get back to Midgar…I have no idea what you ate, sweetie." He stated, laughing once more at Elena's wide eyes.

"I'm confused, what happened?" the blonde asked, turning to Reno and Tifa.

"Yuffie the bratty ninja turned us into different things, yo." Reno replied before looking down. He patted himself before looking at Tifa who was smiling at him.

"I'm back, babe!"

"Yes, me too! We're back to normal!" The couple high fived each other and Reno broke out in a dance towards the lake.

"I'm back! I'm back! Thanks Yuffie! I'm bac-Hot damn! Look at that sexy man in the lake!" Reno shouted, causing all three to turn and look at him.

Yuffie watched him with curiosity as Reno bent down and got closer to the lake's reflection of himself. He really was falling for himself! Tifa walked over there and poked Reno's shoulder.

"Honey…it's just your reflection, now let's go…"Tifa insisted, only to have Reno push her away.

"You're just jealous! Because this lake man is sexier than you…and….and I like him better! Go away!" the redhead yelled at her. Tifa's jaw dropped and then she twitched all of a sudden.

"Well…I don't like you anymore either…I like…I like, HER!" Tifa shouted, pointing to Elena who was still looking at all the damage she had caused as a bear. Elena looked up and cocked her head to the side at Tifa.

"Elena…I feel really strange…" Tseng stated, looking down at himself. He had a weird urge and he didn't want to voice it.

"For a strange reason Tseng…I don't care about you anymore…I like…" Elena stopped as she could see Tifa smiling and walking in her direction. Elena smiled back and ran up to the brunette, jumping into her arms.

"Elena, all this time and I never knew! You were the one I really loved!"

"Oh my god, me too, Tifa. I just looked at Tseng and it wasn't there anymore; but when I look at you…" Elena stopped and sighed. Both girls hugged each other and walked away holding hands.

Meanwhile Tseng was staring at a pinecone with an odd expression. He was upset about Elena running off with Tifa, but this pinecone kept calling his name! He had…he wanted to…no this was crazy! He couldn't love a…a pinecone could he? He wanted to kiss it…but…well…maybe one kiss wouldn't hurt.

The black suited Turk stood up from his sitting position by the campfire and walked over to a lonely pine cone nestled in the grass. He picked it up with hesitance and pulled it close. Just one kiss right, that's all there had to be! He leaned in and pressed his lips up to the natural object. Then he decided….one kiss wasn't enough.

* * *

Yuffie, by this point had been laughing so hard, watching all of these things happen because of Puck and her wishes. She walked over to Reno, who was lapping up the water like a dog, saying "Oh baby" and laughter ensued through her frame once more.

"Having fun, Reno?" she asked. The redheaded Turk turned around and glared at her, water dripping from his chin.

"Go away, bitch! Can't you see I'm busy with this fine piece of ass, right here?" he shouted, pointing at himself in the lakes reflection. Yuffie only lifted an eyebrow and moved on to the next group. She found Elena and Tifa sitting by the other side of the lake, talking, giggling and flirting with each other, much like they would if they were with their true boyfriends, Reno and Tseng. Yuffie walked up to them and waved.

"Hey guys, how's it goin?"

"Just fine Yuffie...Elena and I were just looking into each other's eyes and saying what we liked about each other…did you want to join?" Tifa suggested, wiggling her eyebrows at the ninja. Yuffie waved her hand and shook her head 'no' in an exaggerated manner as she walked backwards.

She continued walking backwards until she bumped into something, or someone. Turning around, she saw Tseng passionately kissing a pinecone, treating it as if it were Elena or something! Usually, Yuffie would've laughed…but by this point…everything was creeping her out. She turned to Puck, who was laughing at the situation and got his attention.

"Hey Fairy…I don't like this anymore…can we change everyone back now? It was good and fun, but now it's not and I wanted them to be normal again!" the ninja complained and whined at the fairy. Puck lifted his eyes to the night sky and thought about it for a moment before looking down at her.

"I can undo this, as a fairy I'm the best. In order for me to change them, you must pass a few tests." He stated, smirking down at Yuffie as he crossed his arms and remained floating in the air. Yuffie got on her knees and made prayer hands as she looked up and nodded.

"Oh please, I'll do anything, Puck, anything!" she cried out. Puck smiled and nodded.

"Very well then, let's get started my dear…the first task, is to overcome your greatest fear." He stated, looking at Yuffie, who had turned pale in an instant. Her greatest fear was flying, because she hated getting air sick! What was she going to do!?

"Flying! But…there's no plane!" she whined, looking at the fairy.

"To complete this task, you may have to leave your friends. So off you go, and ride the winds!"

Yuffie told everyone bye and hoped they would be okay, as she ran to the car outside the campsite and immediately dialed Cid's number.

* * *

"What the hell, it's three in the morning and you want a fucking air ride? Are you kidding me?"

"Please Cid! I have to! I have to do this for P…I mean I have to do this to overcome my fear!" Yuffie cried as she yelled into the phone. She heard Cid sigh loudly and she knew he was thinking it over.

"Alright kid…meet me halfway, where are ya?"

"Near a lake, it's a campsite. I'll meet you half way…Thanks so much Cid!" she exclaimed, hanging up the phone.

Cid got there in less than an hour, on his precious airship, the **Shera**. The pilot lowered the ship down so Yuffie could get on. She looked back at Puck, who was following her and he nodded urging her to go on.

"They better be thankful for this." She muttered as she stepped onto the **Shera**.

"The minute you throw up, kid, is the minute I'ma kickin' yer ass!" Cid warned as he began to lift the air ship to the night sky. Yuffie clutched the side of the ship as she willed herself not to get sick. She couldn't! She had to overcome the fear of flying and deal with it!

Cid got them into the air as he started to circle around a few times. Yuffie looked around and got a little sick, her stomach twisting into knots. She wouldn't let herself throw up though. Instead, the ninja closed her eyes and remained still, imagining that she was floating on clouds, not on a large airship that Cid Highwind was steering.

A few moments later, the ride ended and Cid dropped her off near her car. He waved and smiled at her as she smiled back and jumped up and down.

"Thanks again, Cid!" she called out as he lifted into the air again.

"Good job, ninja, ya didn't get sick!" he called back as he lifted higher until he was up in the sky, headed back to Rocket Town. Yuffie was so proud of her self that she turned to Puck with her hands on her hips and an arrogant expression.

"Alright, what's the next one, fairy! Give it to me!" she asked, in between jumping around. The fairy nodded before speaking.

"Congrats on the first task, but you're not yet done…the next task you have will need you to run. Don't get caught by the beasts behind you. The campsite, that's where you run to." He stated. Yuffie stared at him, bewildered and confused. Just then, her car turned to life and sped past her towards the campsite, which was a few miles away. So…she had to walk? Easy! But what was the part about…

"AHHHH!!" Yuffie screamed as three huge monsters appeared behind her. They looked like rams of some sort…not very nice rams! She took off running and could hear their pounding feet behind her as she sped up. She hated monsters, and she left her shuriken at home!

Puck followed her as she ran, encouraging her to speed up, because they were gaining on her. This wasn't helping her at all! It was scaring her even more! She screamed and ran faster, looking behind her for a split second to see one of them breathe fire! Oh…she had gotten herself into a mess now! All she wanted was some fun! She didn't expect to have to pay for it later.

A few miles later, she spotted the campsite and reduced her speed a bit. Finally, she was almost there! She wanted this task to be over and done with! In fact…she wanted everything to be done with; she wanted everything to be back to normal again!

By the time Yuffie got to the campsite, she was practically crawling on the ground. The monsters behind her disappeared and she turned to see Puck who was clapping for her.

"What's….next…" she breathed out, trying to get her heart to beat like normal again.

"The final task is the hardest yet. Each couple must kiss each other, and to normal, they will be set. "

Yuffie stared at the situation before her. Not much had changed as far as the others went. Reno was still pining for himself…Tseng pining for a piece of nature...Tifa and Elena…for each other. How was she going to make Reno and Tifa, and Tseng and Elena kiss….if they hated each other!? Puck was right, this was going to be tough! Yuffie accepted the task however, because she wanted everything to be back to normal. She'd do it for them…and they'd thank her…right?

* * *

The first thing Yuffie did was to grab a mirror that Elena had packed. First things first…get Reno and Tifa together again. Getting Tifa would be easy, but Reno would be different situation all together. She walked over to Tifa and Elena.

"Say Tifa, I need help with something, girl advice…could you come with me…alone?" Yuffie asked. Tifa looked at Elena, who gave her permission.

"Sure, Yuffs, anything for my best friend!" she stated cheerfully. Yuffie laughed and grabbed Tifa's arm, dragging the brunette over to Reno.

"Hey Reno! Come here!" Yuffie called out. She overheard the redhead telling his reflection that he'd be back and he stood in front of Tifa, glaring at her.

"What the hell do you want!?" he asked. Tifa turned to Yuffie, clearly confused.

"What's going on?" Tifa asked. Yuffie didn't answer as she grabbed Tifa and pulled her arms behind her back with one hand and stuck the mirror in front of Tifa's face, the reflection facing the redhead

"Hey Reno, look!" she yelled. Reno turned around and saw that his reflection was in front of Tifa. He walked up to it happily to kiss it, when Yuffie pulled the mirror away and instead of kissing the mirror, Reno kissed Tifa. A spark appeared and they broke the kiss.

"Tifa, baby?" Reno asked. Tifa smiled and jumped into his arms. They were back to normal…Yuffie sighed in relief as she started thinking of how to get Elena and Tseng together.

"Okay Yuffie…you have to explain….so get started, brat." Reno stated, pulling the ninja from her thoughts. She turned to Reno with a sly look and then broke into tears.

"I was bored…so I wished for something fun to happen and a fairy appeared and he did everything I asked for…then I noticed that it wasn't fun anymore and in order for me to turn you guys back to normal I have to perform these tasks. I already flew in a plane and ran from ugly monsters and I have to make you two kiss and it worked. Now I have to make Tseng and Elena kiss and I don't know how…" she cried out in one breath. Reno and Tifa exchanged looks and laughed.

"Calm down, Yuffie, we'll help you with Tseng and Elena…but this had better teach you a lesson not to toy with other people and magic…got it?"Tife exclaimed in a motherly tone. Yuffie sniffed and nodded.

"Okay, so we know that Elena likes you, Tifa…but what's wrong with Tseng?" Reno asked, looking for his boss. Yuffie pointed to Tseng in a corner of the forest, still making out with a pinecone. Reno burst into laughter, pulling out a camera.

"Reno, don't take pictures, that mean!"

"But…it's perfect office blackmail!"

"I don't care, now let's help Yuffie out…I'm ready to go home" the brunette stated, ending the argument as she thought it over. An idea popped into her head as she turned to Yuffie.

"You know how you had us kiss with the mirror? Well, we'll grab Tseng and put make up on him, like a woman for Elena…and Reno? Dress Elena in anything brown. We'll meet up in a few minutes and fix this issue!"

Reno ran off to find Elena while Yuffie and Tifa pulled Tseng away from his precious pinecone to put some of Elena's makeup on him.

"What is going on…where is my sweet pinecone?" Tseng asked in an angry voice as Tifa and Yuffie pushed him towards the middle of the campsite. Meanwhile, Reno was dragging Elena who was crying over the fact that she lost Tifa. She was wearing a bunch of brown leaves and Tseng was wearing his hair down with a bow, in eyeliner and lipstick.

"Oh, a lady friend!"

"A pinecone!"

They ran to each other and kissed, causing another spark to settle around the couple. They broke off and looked at each other, confused.

"Tseng, is that my make-up? And why did your kiss taste like dirt…?"

"Well dear, why do you look like your wearing dirt?"

The couple turned to the other three who just shrugged it off. For the remainder of the night, Yuffie explained what had happened and apologized multiple times for her rude and horrible pranks. They reassured that they forgave her and all decided to pack up and leave early.

* * *

Just as Yuffie was packing her stuff into the car, Puck appeared once more. The ninja got nervous and looked around before pointing at the fairy.

"No more pranks, mister! I'm done with it…but thanks for helping me get them back to normal!" she finally stated, patting the fairy lightly. She was getting ready to turn away and get in the car when Puck spoke up.

"No problem, little ninja, I now have good stories to tell. Have fun on your journey, here's a gift…farewell."

"A gift?" Yuffie asked, only to see that he entire bottom had been changed to that of a donkey!

"Yuffie you ready to…go?" Reno asked, noticing her little problem.

"What the hell am I going to do?"

"Heh, maybe that'll teach you not to mess with Tifa and the Turks!" he stated, helping her into the car and getting into the driver seat.

"Yuffie what's wrong with-" Elena asked.

"Don't….ask."

* * *

"So camping was fun, right?" Reno asked his girlfriend as they sat on a swing outside Tifa's bar. She nodded and nuzzled her head against Reno's shoulder.

"It was, despite the problems we faced because of Yuffie. It really makes me appreciate how much I love you and the fact that I have you, you know?" Tifa replied, kissing Reno gently on the lips. He broke it off and chuckled.

"I still can't get over Tseng and that damn pinecone."

"Yeah, good thing you didn't get a picture."

Silence.

"Reno…you didn't get a picture did you?"

"Uh…I'll be right back!" Reno replied suddenly as he ran off, his girlfriend running after him.

* * *

A/n: So yeah…it was a long one…but I hope it wasn't boring!


End file.
